Popping braincells

Yesterday I watched a marathon of bridal television on We.

There is no good reason as to why I did this. I have a stack of magazines including The Believer, Atlantic and several issues of The New Yorker left sitting unread. Hell, there's also a Real Simple, and maybe an issue or two of Self and/or Shape in there. I live ridiculously close to Barnes and Noble. I... I must have a life of some sort that permits me to do things other than sitting down and watching nothing but CRAP for several hours on end. I really must.

But yesterday, I did not.

I sat.

I watched Platinum Weddings. There's a certain point where spending so much money loops around and turns right into trashtastic. If your theme is pink and you have everything so pink that you even include pink lighting, well, I want to vomit from afar. I can't imagine how your guests feel. And good god. The dresses. What. The. Hell. One girl seriously looked like a white Barbie cake. Having a princess fantasy when you're 5 is okay. When you're 25? NOT SO MUCH.

Then I watched a special on finding the perfect dress.

I was appalled.

They hired people who told brides they looked good when they set new limits on pit tits and back cleavage. They were clearly incorrect.

And then I watched Bridezillas.

I dealt with some nasty brides. I have stories. But this show... Oh. My. God. What assholes.

I could go on and on and on but I'll summarize:
-These women are the mean girls who break good guys and turn them into assholes.
-I adore the people at Television Without Pity who can provide updates on who has gotten divorced. -Who the hell signs up for this show? What the hell possesses them? It's like Springer at the prom.
-If I could do it without watching it again, I would like to open a betting pool on how long it takes for different couples to get divorced.

Comments

[Floyd]

I too found myself wrapped up wedding-thon 2007. Somehow I felt a little unclean afterwards.

[Amy H]

OMG OMG OMG

1. so glad you have a new post (my daily routine = going to your website...and slumping my shoulders when I see no new post) thanks so much!
2. I was wondering when/if you were going to write about good ol' WE TV. The Platnium Wedding show makes me realize why other countries hate us so much. And Bridezillas is just completely ridiculous. The girl that got married last week in the red dress will get a divorce in under 2 years.

[Olivia]

Glad to see a new post. I've watched a lot of Bridezillas in the past, but not this season. The constant eye-rolling was giving me a headache.

I'd like to know which couples have gotten divored, but I'm having trouble searching on TWOP. How did you find the updates?

[Isabel]

And now I must head over to TWOP and read their thoughts.

Thanks...

[Molly]

SO glad you're posting again! I know...the shows are awful yet so addicting. And now I must go check out who got divorced!

[Charlene]

I have to agree with Molly about the awful yet addictive qualities of these shows. And can't we get a petition started to outlaw strapless dresses until people get some sense about what they should and should not wear!

[alyndabear]

I love (LOVE!) having wedding show marathons. Especially sinceI'm unmarried and watching these crazy (and extravagant) brides makes me feel JUST a little better.

A little.

You know.

[Suzy Q]

Bridezillas is Trainwreck TV at its finest. It simply AMAZES me that these women can be so bitchy.

And yes. WTF is UP with all the strapless wedding dresses? I haven't seen anything but those awful creations for years now. Are ALL brides this stupid/clueless?

[Kelly]

oh, man, I can't resist bad bridal television. I mostly sneak it in when the husband isn't around because he mocks me severely for watching it and smells my breath for booze. ;-)

Bridezillas is so wild. I don't understand why people don't just tell those women to fuck off. And the dudes that marry them are shameful. Everything that is wrong with marriage is embodied in that show.