Confetti is not fun, people. NOT FUN.

I hate opening an envelope and having confetti falling out. What's the point? Being surprised? Sure. I'm surprised, but not pleasantly so.  When things fall all over the floor and then stick to the bottom of my shoes and find there way into the very thin crevices in my hardwood floors so they can remain there and sparkle at me forever because I can't freaking remove them, I am unhappy.

I HATE confetti.

On tables?

No.

No.

No.

A door opens, a breeze blows and the confetti is contaminating your food.

It sticks to the bottom of your drink glasses.

It sticks to sweaters.

It gets into the carpet.

It gets into your hair and sticks to your face and someone takes a picture of you and you forever look far more dumb than your drunken self would have looked anyway.

It's a motherfucking bitch to clean up.

So yes, I hate confetti.

And you know what that means?

Oh yes, it means that I would HATE you to the depths of the firey fires of hell if you put confetti with your fucking picture on it in an envelope and sent it to me. There is no one I like that much that I would want teeeeeeeny pictures of them staring back at me.

So sure, if you want me, and really, I know I'm not alone, so myself and MANY others to be very mad at you and question your judgment of all that is good and holy, please, do not spend $19.99 for personalized confetti.

Comments

[Audrey]

God, I know! I feel the same way. Once I opened a dreaded confetti card in my car. That was over a year ago and there is STILL stupid confetti lurking between the seats. It's so irritating.

[Isabel]

Aaawwwww....but it's so preeeettttyyyy!

[HollowSquirrel]

And it's soooooo funnnnn! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

[Sarah]

Gah. Confetti is evil.