Dear Groom,
Congratulations! You just got married. Now it's time for you to participate in (a very passé) tradition known as the garter toss. Look at your lovely bride. Now look up her skirt and look for the garter. Wait! Wait! Hold the phone. It's your freaking wedding. The audience does not want a money shot. Pay attention!
Signed,
Grossed out
And on an unfortunately related side note...
Dear Bride,
Congratulations! You just got married. You've planned hard and worked your butt off to get to this day. Chances are you spent a lot of time primping and refining your look. But you missed something. Yep, you'll be married to him for the rest of your life. He's the only man you'll ever screw again. But really, at least trim it up for your wedding night. That's right, I'm talking about the area down below. Yeah, that one. Wax. Shave. Pluck (ow!). Trim. Whatever. Do something. I'm not saying that you need to go completely hairless, but on a day when you've primped and coiffed everything else, don't forget your undercarriage.
Signed,
Always coiffed, what the hell is wrong with you?
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