Yesterday I watched a marathon of bridal television on We.
There is no good reason as to why I did this. I have a stack of magazines including The Believer, Atlantic and several issues of The New Yorker left sitting unread. Hell, there's also a Real Simple, and maybe an issue or two of Self and/or Shape in there. I live ridiculously close to Barnes and Noble. I... I must have a life of some sort that permits me to do things other than sitting down and watching nothing but CRAP for several hours on end. I really must.
But yesterday, I did not.
I watched Platinum Weddings. There's a certain point where spending so much money loops around and turns right into trashtastic. If your theme is pink and you have everything so pink that you even include pink lighting, well, I want to vomit from afar. I can't imagine how your guests feel. And good god. The dresses. What. The. Hell. One girl seriously looked like a white Barbie cake. Having a princess fantasy when you're 5 is okay. When you're 25? NOT SO MUCH.
Then I watched a special on finding the perfect dress.
I was appalled.
They hired people who told brides they looked good when they set new limits on pit tits and back cleavage. They were clearly incorrect.
And then I watched Bridezillas.
I dealt with some nasty brides. I have stories. But this show... Oh. My. God. What assholes.
I could go on and on and on but I'll summarize:
-These women are the mean girls who break good guys and turn them into assholes.
-I adore the people at Television Without Pity who can provide updates on who has gotten divorced. -Who the hell signs up for this show? What the hell possesses them? It's like Springer at the prom.
-If I could do it without watching it again, I would like to open a betting pool on how long it takes for different couples to get divorced.