Everyone should be relieved not that I've started my research about the upcoming post chosen by the masses, but that you are not being barraged by a collage of bad strapless dress photos.
Oh holy hell. Doesn't anyone love these girls? Who lets someone think that back cleavage is okay? That four boobs created by the bisection of your God given boobs is sexy? That the grievous amount of pit-tit overage won't scare the children? Who lets someone wear a dress that clearly does not fit and the corset collapses into the fat rolls?!
Bridal shop sales people should be forced to take the following classes in a deuglifying school
Bridal Shop 101 - Navigating the crazy mothers
Bridal Shop 102 - Supportive undergarments are your friend
Bridal Shop 201 - The art of explaining that you should be able to walk in those shoes if you're going to wear them
Bridal Shop 202 - Satin, silk and taffeta are not sausage casings: There's a reason dress forms don't have flab accessories
Bridal Shop 208 - Covering the epidermis: Fabric is your friend
Bridal Shop 300 - Where boobs go and why you should keep them there
Bridal Shop 320 - Yes, you work on commissions, but not many people really need a $4,500 gown. Really. They don't.
Then they need to take an oath to first do no harm, second never let anyone walk out of the shop and straight into a worst dressed bride column, third to never let anyone mortgage anything over a dress.
The muffinization of brides should be illegal. If the dress cuts the bride like a muffin cup and the skin and fat pours out over it, the person who let the bride think that was okay in any way, shape or form should be shot.
And yes, I fully acknowledge that there are bloaty days where my jeans may cause a bit of muffinization, but I spent $75 on them and I'm on my way to work and there's not a photographer and I'm not the center of attention. Also, they are not sparkly. Most days.
The only reason you aren't seeing pictures here is because I am certain that many brides think they look simply ravishing with their backfat all squeezed and flowy and yes they look awful but it's a criminal to tell a bride she looked like shit on her wedding day. That you totally have to do behind her back (flab).